We often question our role in our special person's life. We want to know how they see us or how they really feel towards us. We love them so much we tend to lose ourselves trying to be apart of their space and energy. We tend to suppress the hurt or the feeling of rejection or lack of attention that eventually breaks down our self-esteem. The "Red Flags" become the "Red Carpets" to our own self-destruction or its the path that takes us on this never-ending " Elevator Ride".
You try so hard to express to them how much they mean to you and how far you want this relationship to reach. You learn all their likes and dislikes, you take every step to make sure you are doing everything you can to keep them happy. Their phone calls go from multiple times daily to a few times weekly. The incredible sex goes from weekly to once or twice a month. Your calls start to go to voicemail and your text messages get little to no reply.
It's easy to ask yourself what it was that you did wrong, you even call more and show up to see them more often to save what you love so much. You start driving around their friend's homes and checking their phones if you have the chance. You do not even see that you stopped going to the gym, dressing up, wearing makeup, or even wear your hair as you would. You do notice you gained some weight, you can see the extra pounds and the clothing doesn't fit you anymore. You see the bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep and the stress you feel from being rejected.
You write them letters, send them texts, and you even call them up crying and yelling telling them how much you hate them and how you never want to see them again. You want to get you back but instead, you get the bitter you. You dress up and go out and flirt with other people telling yourself you dodged a bullet with this clown. You continue to stalk their social media accounts and block then unblock them. You allow them to come over for booty calls and cry when they leave. You take them back over and over again and continue this toxic behavior until one day you just can't.
One day you just decide you love yourself more than you love the never-ending ride. You stop calling, You stop texting and you get yourself right. You start doing your hair and dressing up and you start doing what fulfills you the most. Pedicures, facials, and even some Spiritual Solitude. Now when he calls, you feel emotionless, you feel numb, you know you still love them but you are so far gone that it's going to take a lot of physical evidence to hear them out and take them back. You start off slowly by spending time and talking on the phone. You may even want some sex every couple of days or so.
I will always recommend that you work things out, give it everything you can before you walk away. If your one foot in and one foot out, stop asking yourself if you should stay and make them show you why you should. Getting pregnant is NEVER the answer if that is their way of holding you in a position that is a RED FLAG. If they give you a gunshot wedding or tell you to just throw your stuff into storage and move in.. Ask them why now and not before, what changed so quickly that you now know what you want so strongly.
Always look for steady improvement before you allow them to put you on hold by making you a mom or putting a ring on your hand with no intention of honoring you like the Queen you genuinely are.
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